How to raise a Muslim pre-teen/teen during a time of great fitnah - from the perspective of a 16-year-old Muslim boy raised in the UK
Asalamualaikum, my name is Abdurrahman. As part of a work experience placement at Muslim Children’s Books, I was asked to write a blog piece that could solve a problem or assist Muslim parents in any way. The team here were keen to hear my perspective as a Muslim teenager and for me to write something that they, as adults couldn’t. So, I chose to write a guide to raising Muslim pre-teens and teens in a time of fitna, to help parents who worry about their children during a time where it is becoming increasingly harder to be disciplined with the deen. As a 16-year-old, I understand the challenges and temptations which may stop teenagers from being the Muslims that they should be.
Role Models:
The first thing that I’m going to emphasise is the importance of and the immense impact that a powerful role model can have on a child. For example, in my family we have always been very strict with our salah, Alhamdulilah. Seeing every member of my family always pray every one of their daily prayers, whether they were in public, at home, travelling, or sick, made me realise and think to myself of the importance of every daily prayer.
Forcefulness:
Parents should also almost never be forceful when guiding their children. You should not force your children to do something but instead enlighten them with why they must do something such as go to Jummah every Friday. Make them understand why they need to do it for Allah (SWT) so it will become a habit rather than them doing something when you are present, just to please you or to avoid being punished. For example, my mother taught me why prayer is mandatory, why it is important and the benefits of praying rather than forcing me onto a prayer mat without inspiration.
Being there for your children:
One of the most important things is making sure your children can talk to you about their problems or mistakes. Don’t be overly strict, which will make it harder for them to come to you for guidance and instead lead them to continue their wrongdoings. Encourage your children to talk to you about their daily lives so they become comfortable with the idea of telling you about their struggles and issues. Some of my friends talk about how their parents are too strict, and they can’t tell them anything/talk to them about anything because they’ll get angry. Make sure you open yourself up!
Friends:
The Quran says that ‘Close friends, that day will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous.’ (Quran 43;67) It also says ‘Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend. He led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And ever is Satan to man a deserter.’ (Quran:25;28,29). Evidently, the influence of those who we surround ourselves with is incredibly impactful. I have witnessed previously practicing Muslim teenagers give in to peer pressure, leading to haram, or even abandoning Islam. Being around the right people greatly encourages us to stay away from anything haram whilst being around the wrong people encourages us to do exactly what Shaytan wants us to do. As parents you should ensure that the people your children spend time with are not people who will encourage them to do anything that they shouldn’t be doing.
Drugs, vapes and alcohol:
Since the age of 13 I’ve seen other teenagers, even Muslims, taking drugs and vaping. You would be surprised how incredibly common it is, even practicing Muslims turn to drug usage. Even if you don’t think your child would ever go near drugs or vapes you should definitely talk to them about these things and why they are haram. Unfortunately, we live in a society where bossman at the corner shop would rather make some money selling vapes to children than care about their health.
Haram relationships
This is another one of the most common problems I see amongst young Muslims today, some of them even without shame openly in a haram relationship. If you see any suspicion of your child being in a haram relationship, it may be awkward but definitely talk to them, save their time and save them from heartbreak. You should make sure your children understand how damaging haram relationships can be in the long run whilst also being sensitive.
InshaAllah as a parent, you’ll be able to tackle all of the above if you have a good relationship with your child, which in my opinion comes from giving lots of love and confidence to them through the years, spending quality time with them and listening to their needs and struggles.
Narrated in the voice of a peer
Relatable and humurous
Covers difficult topics which kids are curious about
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